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Conversations: The Real Thing

That’s– 

That’s an interesting question.

Are you just asking in general?

Or… actually asking me?

Honestly?

A bit of both.

Okay… wow.

You really know how to put a girl on the spot!

Take your time.

I’ll wait.

And you ask so casually.

You may as well be asking if I’d like to have lunch now or later.

Besides, I thought I’ve always made my position on this matter quite clear.

Haven’t you believed me?

That was before.

Things were different then.

The whole world’s changed.

I’ve changed.

Not to me, you haven’t.

I suppose in some ways you have–we all have– but…

Not in a bad way.

Never in a bad way.

To me, you just seem… older now.

More mature.

More sure of yourself.

I appreciate that.

Really.

That’s not what some people are saying though.

“Some people” don’t have a clue what they’re talking about.

Maybe they simply aren’t used to you pushing back.

The changes I’ve seen in you are what you need.

It’s not about them right now; it can’t be.

You’re better now than you ever were.

Am I?

How so?

Come on, please don’t ask me to embarass myself.

You actually want to hear it aloud?

What’s with you making me feel so awkward today?

That’s hardly my intention.

It’s never easy to tell what you’re thinking, that’s all.

I want to know how you feel about everything.

Hmm.

I have been kinda quiet lately.

I’m sorry for that.

There’s just been a lot going on, and I didn’t want to be a bother.

I guess I can’t fault you for wondering.

You’re hardly “a bother”.

But back to my question:

Do you want to?

That depends on how you mean it.

Why?

I told you I meant it both ways.

Either way, you have to have an opinion.

I do have an opinion.

It’s just…

Just…

What?

Hard.

It’s hard to be definite about something I take so seriously.

I’ve been wrong once before, so…

It’s just really hard for me.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Follow your heart.

“Follow your heart” he says!

Do you really think I like being so back and forth?

I don’t; I really don’t.

But I’m not like a lot of other people out here in the world.

This isn’t something I’m okay with throwing away or giving up on.

I don’t know about you, but there is no “escape route” for me.

I can’t afford to get this wrong.

That’s why I keep asking myself the same question over and over again.

I know how I feel.

I know what I see.

I know what I want, but…

What?

Are you scared?

Sort of.

Me too.

I had already figured as much…

Now, why would you go and say that for?

Here I was trying to be sweet and honest, but no. 

You took that as an opportunity to be… you.

Well, pardon me!

But you knew I’d take a mile if you gave me an inch.

I hate to say it, but you left yourself wide open, kid. 

Okay, okay.

I see how you are.

You won’t get me next time though.

I’m onto you now. 

Aww… Did I hurt your feelings?

You’re funny, you know that?

Don’t even pretend to be mad at me now either.

Nah, you got me fair and square.

I meant what I said though.

I know.

I just can’t believe you’re finally admitting it.

Thank you.

Does it make you feel better to know that I feel the same way?

Yes.

Does it really?

Not at all.

There you go again!

Can you stop being avoidant for a moment and actually talk to me?

But talk to me for real.

Don’t keep dodging me the way you’ve been.

Okay, fine.

I’ll stop.

For now.

Tell me then, what scares you?

Is it me?

Is it something I’ve done, something I’ve said?

Sometimes.

I mean, when it’s just you, everything is perfect.

I’m not nervous or worried about messing anything up.

You make me feel like I can actually do it– no problem.

But then I remember that it can’t always be just you.

I remember that…

I don’t know what I’m trying to say.

It’s not you I’m afraid of.

It’s your life.

It’s what you are to everyone else.

Who you are for everyone else.

You know I’ll always do my best to protect you.

I’ve been trying to this whole time.

Believe me, I know you’re trying.

This isn’t about diminishing those efforts, but…

I don’t need you to protect me.

I don’t even want you to feel as though you have to.

Not anymore.

Maybe that’s the point.

Maybe I never needed to be “protected”.

I’m not a fragile little china doll.

I’m not some storybook damsel in distress.

I can do this.

I know I can.

What do you need then?

Let me help you.

All I need is for this to be the real thing.

Me too.

© C.M. 2020 All Rights Reserved


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❤️

Ciao for now! 

x


Featured PhotoGiovanni Calia/Pexels

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