Any time Father’s Day comes around, I am instantly reminded of those who may not have the positive influence of a father in their life. For those whose fathers are no longer with us, those who have never known their father, or those who have had tumultuous relationships with their father, I just want to say that I’m genuinely sorry for your loss.
Fathers can play such a critical role in our upbringing and beyond, helping to instill us with a sense of identity, belongingness, and stability. Not having access to such an important relationship can leave a seemingly unfillable hole in people’s hearts and lives.
I’ve known many people who have either missed out on having a father who is active in their life altogether or have had to navigate an emotionally damaging relationship with their father, and it’s been heartbreaking to see how that absence or tension has impacted them. As much as I would wish for every father under the sun to treasure their children and be there for them as God intended, we all know that this is simply not the case for everyone.
If you find yourself identifying as being “fatherless” in one way or another, I just want to assure you that all is not lost. You don’t have to feel empty, unwanted, unloved, or forsaken. No matter what your father has or has not done for you, there is no father under the sun who is perfect or exempt from making mistakes. There is only one father that I know of who is unfailing in his ability and willingness to fully love and support His children, and that is God.
Whether you have a relationship with the Lord or not, I pray that you turn to Him in your loneliness or brokenness and give the absence or actions of your earthly father to Him. He has such a beautiful desire to wipe away our pain of yesterday, in preparation for something new. The Lord always seeks to comfort us, guide us, and restore what’s been lost.
So even if your father has been absent from your life, causing you to feel as though you’ve been unjustly robbed of something you desperately needed and wanted, God is more than capable of filling that void. If you go to Him and accept Him into your life, He will shower you with more love and affection than you could ever hope to receive from an earthly father.
Unlike man, God is always there for us. He never leaves, forsakes, or forgets about us. He knows the pain that we carry, the fears that stifle us, and the challenges that we face. He’ll never view you as a burden, nor will He ever reject you– for any reason. As long as you love Him, He shall never hurt, abandon, or disappoint you as men on Earth have the tendency to do at times.
In the case of men who find themselves in this category, if you have children or plan on having children, I just want you to remember one thing: You don’t have to have been raised by a “good” father in order to become one yourself.
Many men understandably struggle with fatherhood due to the negative experiences they’ve had with their own fathers, both in childhood and adulthood. For those who have found themselves in such a position, I strongly urge you to give that worry, pain, and resentment to God so He may help you make better decisions than your own father may have made.
Having an unpleasant or nonexistent relationship with your father does not have to be a curse that plagues you forevermore. God would never want that for any of His children, and I am sure that you wouldn’t want to bring that same brokenheartedness into your relationship with your own children. By giving your situation to God, you will be able to heal from everything that might hinder you from being the very best father you could possibly be, which is such a priceless gift to provide your children with.
I have had the greatest pleasure of knowing several men who came from very difficult situations. Some of them didn’t have a clue who their father was. Others had fathers who were emotionally and/or physically abusive. Still, there were others who knew who their father was, but either didn’t get along well with them or had a very estranged relationship with them.
As it turns out, many of these men went on to be amazing fathers to their children. They never allowed their relationship with their father (or lack thereof) to negatively impact their own ability to be good role models for their families or others. In fact, a few of them ended up being the most important men in my life, inspiring a blueprint for the sort of man I would like to marry one day.
Being a father to someone is both a serious undertaking and tremendous honor. As their father you are their leader, their provider, and their teacher; your children deserve the very best version of you. Holding on to past hurts and frustration can make it hard for you to love and support them as you should, so it’s really important to allow our heavenly Father to fill the spaces within your heart that you feel have been left vacant by your earthly father.
Consider fatherhood a chance to right the wrongs you suffered under, an opportunity to rise above the circumstances you might have found yourself in. Please do not allow the mistakes, absenteeism, or shortsightedness of one person–however painful those actions may have been or continue to be–to dictate the greatness you can achieve. Accept your children’s admiration and love as your reward for having endured all that you have, and allow yourself to actually enjoy it.
I love all of you. Have a blessed day. ❤
© C.M. 2020 All Rights Reserved
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