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Conversations: Receipts

Why would you say that?

I can’t believe you’re even thinking that way at a time like this!

I’m sorry to disappoint you.

You aren’t a disappointment to me.

I’m just trying to understand what went wrong.

You were fine last night.

How could it change so suddenly?

What happened?

I don’t know…

Life, I guess.

What do you mean, “life”?

Life.

Did someone say something to you?

No one had to.

I saw some things.

One thing led to another, and I started wondering if any of this is real.

What’s real?

Us.

You don’t believe me?

Not even after everything?

What “everything”?

You call that proof?

Had I known you needed proof…

I’ve tried to go on with all of this sight unseen, you know I have.

It’s just that…

What?

I’m tired.

Tired of trying?

Tired of fighting to convince myself.

It’s been over a year now.

Things aren’t…

Who told you that you had to fight in the first place?

You don’t need to fight anything.

It simply is what it is.

I’m right here.

It doesn’t need to be some big struggle.

But yet, it is a struggle.

You know it just as well as I do.

As often as I tell myself it’s worth it, it is getting harder and harder by the day.

Sometimes, I wake up at two and three in the morning, completely unable to breathe.

The anxiety is trying to take over everything now.

I’m really starting to wonder if I’ll wake up one day and…

And what?

…give up.

You– you can’t do that.

Don’t do that.

Look, this is partially my fault.

I’m sorry for that.

If I could make it up to you, I would, but it has to be this way until I can figure out what to do.

Just give me some more time.

I’ll figure it out; I promise.

It isn’t your fault though.

We didn’t know it would be this way.

How could we?

I’m not trying to point fingers at anyone.

I’m just venting.

I don’t have anyone else to talk to.

Not about this.

Not really.

You always have me.

But that’s the thing… I don’t.

I want to so badly, but still…

Everyone else has you.

I just have… this.

That’s not fair.

It’s true though, isn’t it?

You belong to everyone, but me.

You barely belong to yourself.

Do you think I actually like it this way?

I never asked for all of this!

I’m not saying that you like it.

I wouldn’t like it either, but you know it’s true.

You aren’t truly mine.

Well, to me, I’m only yours.

How is that even possible?

I can’t explain it to you.

It’s always been that way though.

You’re the only part of my life that feels real.

Ever.

The irony.

You aren’t kidding!

What are we going to do?

I don’t know.

Keep praying for me.

Like I can find the energy to do anything else!

Just don’t worry about me; there is a difference.

I’ll do as I please, but I respect your request.

Do you feel better now?

Slightly.

Do you believe me?

Will you keep trying?

I want to.

I really do.

You have no idea…

What can I do to prove it to you?

I’ll do anything.

I can’t stand seeing you like this.

It’s gone too far.

You really want to know?

Yes.

And you say you’ll do… anything?

Anything.

You have my word.

Pull the trigger.

© C.M. 2020 All Rights Reserved


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Ciao for now! 

x


Featured Photo: Mudassir Ali/Pexels

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